My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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