fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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