you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
