i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
