i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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