just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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