You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
