epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
