I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
