I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
40s are totally the cure
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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