is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
