she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The adults are the big ones right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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