I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
