It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
