she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
