I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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