i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
