I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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