Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
