And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
