God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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