I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
