So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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