he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
