How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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