It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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