8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i've created a new STD.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
