i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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