Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
