Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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