I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
