Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have fence marks all over my body
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
