so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
