just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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