I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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