Your mouth is God's brothel.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
