He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
