I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
