We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
