my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, beer. Big fan.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
