we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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