I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
