I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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