Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
