apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
