Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
