My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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