meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
