Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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