I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
