yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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