I bet he comes in French.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
