I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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